The state of things, Thanksgiving, here we come!

I haven’t been totally truthful here, life is decidedly beautiful but there are unfortunately big ruts one must pass over and manage to get beyond. We had a major crisis last December when one of our own came home and there was the realization that major decisions had to be made as there were obviously cracks in the family that needed to be dealt with. Sometimes one crisis can somehow detonate another and then again to another and that is essentially what happened in our family. For many reasons, some things are just not to be shared, certainly not at this time. It seems, and I have said this before so I hope I am truly right this time, that things are truly on the mend.

As I said, one incident can easily trigger another. It did. If I had to explain every detail of the things that went on familially, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it. Some things are real, perceptions vary, people react differently, surprises occur, and the list goes on and on. Suffice it to say, it has been a tough year. Tough years do happen and people do get through them and move beyond.

I was at the doctor’s office for my checkup yesterday and she once again pulled out the cuff and took my blood pressure. Despite my attempts at good diet and exercise, I had a devil of a time keeping my pressure down in her office, victim here of the supposed “White Coat Syndrome.” A good amount of that is true, but in retrospect, I along with other family members, have been under a lot of stress.

The stress is certainly caused by the massive changes in our lives with our parents who are both now in the nursing home, but also by family situations that occurred, in domino effect, after Mikey’s return home last December. As I said to the doctor yesterday, I am like anyone else, I get stressed out, but in the end I realize that despite all of my efforts to work on peace, I have no control. I can do my best to guide, advise, and console, but I really cannot micromanage the situation into one that is agreeable to me. The biggest surprise in my life is that I can actually let go because it seems to be counter to everything I am and have been.

The one good thing about the way MK and I have always dealt with things is that we believe in being open and working through things. We have done that but at a heavy price as it can be very painful. It is the right way to do things in spite of the pain that is incurred.

Little by little we have trudged through this year as a family and I believe that we are stronger. We were firmly trounced by the economy, as a family, and I am convinced that had it not been as bad as it is/was that perhaps our situation would be different. Be that as it may, the reality is that it occurred and that we had to deal with it. We shall all be the stronger for it although that was one hell of a test.

We are heading into the holiday season and it feels good. Is it perfect? No. Is it ever perfect? No. We are human beings, and as I have said before, our flaws and perceptions prevent us from having perfect times as we attempt to trudge through life. We can always try to do our best and I am convinced that each and every one of our family members does exactly that.

Has it been a horrible year? No. It is just that the uncertainty of things and a surprising reaction by a family member and a new rub in a relationship would jump out unexpectedly as we “normalized.” We had tremendous time spans of good and smooth relationships and then something would occur to change that. There were times when you just had to sit back and hope and pray for the best.

All of the time put it in toward understanding and seeing other points of view have paid off and we are moving on, just like a million other families. I am thankful for what we have and I am thankful that even though we don’t always agree, that we love each other and really try to keep those relationships going.

Wow, I just realized that I am giving thanks. Thanksgiving, here we come!

About Richard Koerner

Seventy something, father, papi, educator, organizer, Francophile, traveler, amateur photographer, gardener, cyclist, kayaker, calligrapher, cinephile, reader, and overall renaissance type human being.
This entry was posted in Family, Interpersonal Relations, People and their characteristics, Thoughts and philosophy, Tolerance and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.