To blog or not to blog…

A special effect on a photo…

I have had a frustrating week.

It was a week when I questioned whether or not to continue my blog. It has been years. I enjoy the catharsis but one of the most frustrating aspects of it is that there are things I cannot share with my readers, things going on in my life that that would have an effect upon those I closely know. That, however, is not what really got to me.

What did was that the website that my blog occupies, is costing me more than I thought it was and, to make matters worse, it was not even functioning.

At times, odd things happen and things don’t work. When I couldn’t even access the website, I wasn’t exactly surprised. There are times when it does not allow me to post a photo, which is one of my goals. Not being able to access the website is another total issue. I let it go a few days.

Last weekend I called the 24/7 line for IONOS and reached a person who told me that she was going to check into my issue which stated that there was « an error loading the database. » So, Wedesday comes along and I still have not heard from them. I call again, this time ready to cancel my account and perhaps, drop my blog. Within about twenty minutes I could reach my website without a problem.

I decided to continue to blog.

The Pandemic truly sucks.

Day 187, Week 27 of the Pandemic Confinement. Never did I think we would be in this crazy predicament surrounded by a real virus and a fascist one in the government.

Survival is important, so for all reasons, we need to exercise our political strong arm and vote.

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Getting some sustenance in tough times

Today’s visiting goldfinch, pecking at the cone of a coneflower and eating the seeds.

Over the years, I have changed my ways of doing things.

In the past, the coneflowers would be deadheaded immediately. To those who don’t garden, deadheading (to deadhead) is to remove the dead flowers from plants, something that promotes the production of new flowers.

Given the information that birds world-wide are disappearing, I have taken to do my part for the situation. I provide hummingbird feeders for those beautiful, tiny birds, and I have several birdfeeders where I offer sunflower seeds. I also have a pond that is frequented by the birds. Usually, late in the season, I see them at the pond, sometimes in a shallow portion, for water and bathing.

The other thing I offer is a plethora of flowers collected over the years, some acquired through my mom, others from friends, and a few here and there bought. It turns out that I like flowers that even the birds like (coneflowers, coral bells, etc.) and I have even planted milkweed to attract more than just the usual Monarch that we have visiting us. Next year, it will bloom for us.

One year, as I was slow to deadhead the coneflowers, I realized that goldfinches were appearing in record numbers, sitting on top of the ‘cones’ and pecking at them. It turns out that they like to eat the seeds. I have thus changed my practice, leaving up the coneflowers and waiting for the goldfinches. In the past few days, I have seen many goldfinches and other birds as well. Today, I even managed to get a photo of one through the window.

I am quite pleased.

Given the tenor of the state of the world, nation, state, municipality, and even personal life, this has been a great joy!

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Walking that tigthrope

A beautiful tree I saw while dogwalking.

I have had many a moment in my life when I have felt as if I were walking a tightrope.

Much of this feeling is self-imposed, a product of my own personality and upbringing. Much of it I have fought against and I feel that I have done a fairly good job at keeping it at bay.

Those moments come and go, sometimes arrive when you expect them, sometimes appearing seemingly by chance. Sometimes you find out that they had been building for a long time.

Ah, the absurdity of life. It all makes me glad that I was a lit major and had to study existentialism and the theatre of the absurd. All my studies are helping me deal with the things that confront me.

My plans with most everything is being as direct as possible. Shoving issues under the rug has never been my modus operandi. That is not always easy when and if you are communicating with people for whom that is not an option. Many people are like that. There were always parts of our families (Mary Kay’s and mine) that would say, « Don’t say anything to… ». I find that truly annoying. If that is the case, then why are you telling me? There are times when things shouldn’t be know, for example with small or younger children, but…

So periodically things arise for which you have no control. Actually, they happen all the time as it is a large part of life. One looks at the situation and assesses before talking action. Sometimes there are no good choices. Sometimes you find out that there has been deception, lack of being frank, hidden truths that have had a profound effect on the situation. Then, as in the Little Prince, those evil seeds grow and overtake our ‘planets,’ often to the point of forcing them to explode. Once they explode, one is left ‘holding the bag’ and dealing with the aftermath. Then, it is time to clean up. Cleaning up is no small task.

Even in that phase, it is a tightrope because so often we are dealing with things for which we have no experience and the manual is not to be found.

Sometimes, you have settled in to peace and tranquillity only to find that the rug has been pulled out from under you.

We all walk that tightrope from time to time.

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Despair

In the midst of international, national, regional, local, and person despair, a flower blooms…

Yes, it is a time of despair, a time that we have to get through, using whatever tiny bit of optimism that we can conjure up in this troubled and crazy world in which we live.

For some of us, we can find hope in the simple routines we do on a daily basis as we plod along, hoping to push aside the worries and problems we might have or encounter. For others, doing so is an impossibility as they grapple with issues within their bodies and souls that in an of themselves could topple skyscrapers, let alone simple human beings, and are literally crushed by the impossibility of change. They just cannot find it within themselves to fathom how to fight and win against the demons that plague them.

We see them and find ourselves helpless. We see them as if we were just silent bystanders, incapable of understanding all of the reasons for despair and equally incapable of helping them.

Often, these people are victimized by bullies who enjoy nothing more than seeing them squirm and wither away. How that could be joyful to some is beyond me, but it apparently is.

The world is full of these people and our world is an unkind place, even in the best of times, in meeting their needs and to lessen their pain.

Some of them make it and some don’t. Some fall prey to the ravages of depression and addiction. Our society treats them as pariahs and in previous times they might have been relegated to places like the one I once visited as a freshman in college, a true ‘Insane Asylum’ where my English class went to visit to experience alienation.

Aliens they are and alien apparently they shall remain.

Do something nice today, be kind to those you know are in pain, don’t kick them down and smile as so many others do.

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Another episode of Binge Watching

Before long, we will be dressed like this.

Binge watching.

I try to remember when this concept arose…

I have no idea. I do know, however, that binge watching is something that we do every so often. MK and I are doing it again, aided and abetted by the Pandemic.

Once upon a time, we watched a show called Herrens Veje, a Danish show by Adam Price. We were mesmerized. We binge watched it. That led to another Adam Price show called Borgen, a show on politics, about a Danish Prime Minister, her rise to power, and her dilemmas in dealing with compromises and political intrigue, as related to her personal life and family, and to her values. It seriously hooked us.

That led to Madame Secretary, which we binge watched and loved.

Given that life is as it is currently and that we are on this Day 177 of our Confinement, binge watching is a great choice. We don’t get out much and don’t want to. We have not been to a grocery store since March.

The fascinating thing to us is that West Wing is dealing with issues that are still relevant and that we are dealing with. It is just that so many of them are on steroids. They are out of control. Actually, life is out of control and the government and the world situation is insane.

There was a time when I thought that maybe all of this was nothing more than a bad dream and that we would awaken and say, « Oh my God, what a nightmare! » We are beyond that and this is truly living hell.

One can only hope that this will end.

Meanwhile, binge watching TV is a good option. Despite what people say, there is a lot of good stuff out there.

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