We are living in a time period of strife and change and hopefully it shall move toward something better. We are in a time where empathy and kindness have often been locked away and we need to be even fearful of interactions with others. Simple situations could be frightening as the anger that might be unleashed could be harmful and even end in violence.
I keep thinking of the book by Frank Bruni, “The Beauty of Dusk,” in which he says, “I wonder what life would be like if we all walked around wearing sandwich boards that listed what we’re enduring. What we’re surviving. What we’ve overcome.”
I should not complain.
I was told I have lymphoma.
To research my variety (Mantle Cell Lymphoma or MCL) is to be overcome with an overriding sense of amazement at any possibility of recovery and yet, that must be taken with a grain of salt as every situation is unique.
My lymphoma is currently and has been for the last three years, joyously indolent, slow growing.
I put on a brave front to all I meet and have told many of them of my plight. I am not one to pretend and hide from others that I have a vilain in my blood.
Given this information one would think I would be jumping for joy and yet the idea of putting my body into a CT scan scenario and possibly seeing malignancies I don’t even know about freaked me out and put a huge damper on daily activities, and even more importantly, my sleep. Add into that the effects on those I love…
Every waking moment was peppered with…”Am I at the end?”
I had the CT scan and unless I am really not reading the results well, there are no abnormalities for me to worry about. I have not, as of yet, heard from the doctor, yet I am not worried about that. I do wonder where this journey is taking me, I do wonder what the ramifications are, and yet I also understand that every case being unique, that even this may not be the disease that undoes me.
The Pandemic and its ramifications were when my disease started to show its ugly face and as we try to move forward and heal any of the difficult situations that have come about because of it or along with it, we are all trying to heal. Each and every one of us has some hurt that has come from the Pandemic, the political situation within the world and our country, and from uniquely personal things.
Once again I say, “Carpe Diem!”