Where am I?

The other day, I was having my yearly physical and I was asked to remember four words or sets of words and would be tested at the end of my visit: checkers, saucer, telegram, Red Cross. I knew it was coming as MK has had to deal with this already. I was nervous as all get out. Dementia in my family, Alzheimer’s in MK’s, we have it stacked against us. Let us just say that it has been a year. Late last year I find out that I have had Mantel Cell Lymphoma in indolent format since 2019. This is kind of over the top. I am once again sleeping better, just saw the hematologist and he said I am doing great, but there are things going on in my life that continue to cause concern and to which I cannot address a single word. Luckily, at the end of the visit, I was able to spout off the four sets of words.

There have been times where I would like to take out a billboard and say what I am thinking about all sorts of things but my better sense gets the best of me.

The evil that exists in this world has far surpassed anything I could ever have imagined and the masses of people who believe in lies and tell lies blows me away. Their fear of science and logic is frightening. Evil are politicians, who do things just for their own self-aggrandizement and who somehow seem to meet the needs of some of their electorate but who clearly really don’t care.

The summer has been wonderful but painfully short. I love kayaking and yet I have not as yet set out for the water. It is as if I am just too busy doing things that I just don’t want to take the time to get out there. I know that next year will be better and that I will find it within my head to get out on the water. Meanwhile, I have been very happy to enjoy the yard and to do things to it that make it easier to enjoy. I am writing this blog, for example, while on the patio within view of the pond and its waterfall, with tall, magenta-pink phlox growing everywhere and passion flowers and water lilies blooming almost daily.

Ludmilla is one of the latest flowers in the collection: a cross between a sunflower and echinacea (coneflower). We received the plant at the dedication ceremony for my amazing friend and colleague, Ludmilla Coven, who among other things, accompanied our young son to the DC area when I could not use a ticket since my conference attendance was canceled at the last minute and our son used the ticket.

Pardon my rambling, this is the first time in a long time when I could commit to write. I hope my next writing moment will be sooner.

About Richard Koerner

Seventy something, father, papi, educator, organizer, Francophile, traveler, amateur photographer, gardener, cyclist, kayaker, calligrapher, cinephile, reader, and overall renaissance type human being.
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2 Responses to Where am I?

  1. Anda says:

    Enjoyed your blog, and share your anxiety about the mind functioning at full capacity. You are wise to smell the roses, or pretend that dahlias have a fragrance. LOL.
    Reaching a certain age also means there’s much knowledge and wisdom collected that needs to be shared and not diverted by anxiety.
    Enjoy what you have.
    I never thought I’d get to 88. My mom and grandma died at 76, so I’m doing overtime

    • Yes, the anxiety of aging and the accompanied extra worries. I love the idea that there is extra wisdom and experience and yet I always manage to produce self-doubt. We are enjoying what we have and that is accompanied by some other worries, but that is a part of life, right? On another note, my dad died at 40 and I thought that would be my limit as well, yet clearly I have gone beyond that at almost 72. You may be chronologically 88, but I would NEVER have guessed 88 because you think like a much younger person and that makes a huge difference. Honestly, you act like a 60 year old! Thanks for the kind words! My best to you and your family!

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