Canine choice!

I have talked about all sorts of people thus far and I have spoken of my canine cousins Murphy and Lincoln. I may not have mentioned my all time favorite, Mikey.

Mikey is special to me. He came with Richie and picked me out of all my siblings when I was just a little puppy. I was born on his birthday in December and came home with him in February during a snowstorm. It was Mikey who spent most of the time with me and took me outside, played ball with me, and took care of my every need.

When I was little and didn’t get it, Mikey was there for me and guided me. I cried and he took care of me. I whimpered, and he attended to my needs. He spoiled me.

Mikey was living in our home when I arrived. Now he is gone and when he comes home, I literally go crazy. I cannot get enough of him. I am a true drama queen when he shows up and if he does not spend all his home time with me, I make noise until he pays attention. I think I am actually at a point of driving him crazy. I just cannot help myself.

Honestly, I cannot get enough attention from him. He is my all. I love everyone, I play with everyone, I am pretty equal with all, but Mikey is still number one.

Just today he came home and I drove him crazy. He was talking to Rich and Mary Kay and spending time playing with one of the grandkids, but I wouldn’t give him a moment of peace. He is home? I play or annoy him; that is what I do.

Like anything else, when I put my mind to it, I am good. Mikey’s around, he is paying attention to me, period!

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Dog Oscars!

I am so smart that they don’t realize how smart.

I kind of mess with them to make them think that I am not as capable as I am. Since day one in the Koerner household, I have made a big deal of going up the steps or getting into a car. Despite my supreme jumping abilities, I act as if I cannot do it and then finally give it a final push. They feel sorry for me.

It takes a lot to keep my humans in line, but my use of the element of surprise along with a little Border collie head cock and a dumbfounded look on my face and I have it made in the shade. Being good to the grandkids seals the deal.

The grandkids are very special to me. They feed me all the time. When they don’t, I sneak the food from their hands. Rich and Mary Kay think that my licking them is because I love them. Well I do, but the icing on the cake is the immense quantity of food I find on their hands, faces, and even clothing. It is as if I had hit the mother lode!

When I am naughty, Rich thinks I need to be walked more. Another good situation as I get out and about to check my territories. I mark them judiciously to make sure that they belong to me.

I am social, apparently more social and extroverted than any other dog this family has opened up to. I use that to my advantage. I may not nip like a Border collie, or bite like other dogs, but I do jump on people. If I tallied the number of people I have managed to almost knock down, the numbers would be high. They think it is just because I am excited and cannot contain myself, I view it is a control feature. These people think that they are controlling me? I have news for them. I can pretty much do anything I want.

If they don’t get up on time to fix my breakfast, I jump on that bed of theirs and take my place, making sure that Mary Kay cannot move. It makes Rich laugh to see me do that. Then I whimper. Let’s face it, I am good. If there were an Oscar for a dog, I would get it, paws down!

Okay, I have to rest up a bit. I have a lot of stamina, but today is the day the grandkids are coming over and I need to get ready to plan for my extra food allotment!

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The element of surprise!

I pride myself on doing the unexpected.

Sometimes I am caught, but sometimes the results of my unexpected behavior are found after the fact, when it is harder to reprimand me.

This morning alone, my human came down into the family room, looked at me with a strange expression on his face, and I kept that intelligent/dumb face that I wear so well. I don’t understand why a throw rug that is rumpled and totally out of place and balled up should get such a response, but it does. My human just cannot fathom what might possess me to do such a thing. Personally, I do it for the joy of having that face staring at me in disbelief!

Although a Border collie, for whom food is not always a super crazy attraction, I have morphed. As a puppy, I saw my Black lab cousin, Murphy and I decided to follow his lead. I have learned all sorts of things from him; some of them are liked by my humans, but others not so much so. They love that I am like Murphy with the grandkids, allowing them to step on me, pull my tail, etc., but they don’t like that I have now become incensed with people food. They hate my newfound crazy, non-stop attraction for any sort of people food. Besides that, I lick any things my humans find gross, like the extra oil that lubricates something. My interest in that drives them crazy!

Just to keep them on their toes, sometimes I do my ‘dog’ job and chase the squirrels and chipmunks. Other times, I just let them be, it is a win/win for all of us. Good for the silly animals I chase and for me as I keep my humans on their toes.

Being a pampered dog is such a great gig!

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Let’s all bark!

Yes, I bark. Isn’t that what dogs do?

Rich thinks I don’t realize that this ridiculous piece of current Technology that he put around my neck is understood by me.

I bark, an unpleasant tone sounds, the more I bark, the more it goes off. He doesn’t realize it, or maybe he does, that my barking actually kills the battery. Damn, he has already replaced two of them. Okay, so I gave in a little bit and don’t bark as much. Training humans is quite the labor intensive situation.

What does he want from me? It’s Father’s Day and I cannot even celebrate, the siring possibility taken away from me in a simple snip when I was young and didn’t know how to fight back and keep them from doing this to me. I get back at them big time for this, annoying them by dry humping other dogs whenever I can. That look on their faces…I especially like to engage in this activity when people are over, humans just get so embarrassed!

Changing the subject, when I am sitting down, basking in the sun, I am making mental notes, I am a Border collie after all; I make plans. I think about the ways I can get dirty. They have nicknamed me ‘Dirt bag,’ and I do my utmost to live up to my title. After all, maybe they shouldn’t have named me this, but now that they have, I am going to do it at ever opportunity, fix them for calling me that. I will live up to their expectations. Wet muddy paws, a water logged underside, I come in and put this all over the Family Room carpet or better yet, on the low lying bed in one of the guest rooms. That Pottery Barn ensemble has seen my share of dirt and throw up. I definitely know how to fix them! When they see it, I look sheepishly (something in my genes from having attended to sheep in my previous lives) at them and they feel sorry for me.

For now, basking in the sun is where it’s at as I plot future mischief.

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BC (Border collie) News

The infamous red thread! I really enjoyed that adventure!

Once again, my ‘people’ don’t think I am the brightest bulb on that Christmas tree. Fools they are, that is for sure. I have even taken down one of those silly things, a tree that is. Once, in a famous ‘hyena run,’ which is what they call it, I got frisky with the cleaning lady and ran so fast that I caught the tree and yanked it down. She got really upset, thinking Rich was angry at her. Okay, he wasn’t happy that she pampered and allowed me to be sillier than with them, but he was just upset about the huge cleaning job and the removal of broken ornaments. I am glad that they removed that oversized, dead plant, it took all my energy to keep from lifting my leg when I went by it.

Speaking of lifting my leg, did I ever talk about the time I went to visit a dog loving jewelry lady; I think her name is Katy Boldt? I went in, she had a tree stump as a workstation and I proceeded to fix all of them and marked my territory. That was the bomb!

One of the reasons I get away with so much is due to genetics. I just look damn good! Everyone oohs and ahs over me all the time. Another reason is that I am nice to the entire family. I heard, through the grapevine, that my MBD (most beloved dog) predecessor was the biggest b**ch that the world has ever seen. She used to nip women and kids. She did that to the kids until one of my people, Chris, saw her put his daughter in line by a nice BCN (Border collie nip). He went into commando mode, flew into a rage, thrust her to the floor, and reprimanded her. She was nice after that but she still had the reputation. I never had that; I was smart enough to learn to keep my genetic tendencies in check, as some guy named Doc Alonzi said, “It takes a lifetime to build up a reputation and a single moment to destroy it.”

I don’t know if I mentioned one of my new tricks to keep Mary Kay in line. I grabbed some of her extremely expensive German thread, in spool form, and proceeded to wind it around all sorts of things from the lower to mid level of the house. Hell, Rich found some of it just today and that was first done over a week ago. He even found the spool. I really know how to get her goat. I also love it when I jump up on their bed and make it difficult for her to move, finding the best position to do so and giving a sweet Border collie smile to confuse the hell out of her.

So much for my latest antics, I am glad I figured out how to profit from Rich’s silly overwork schedule to be able to express myself!

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